Ramble to yourself, ramble about lovers

Tonight, there’s no star outside. Just me in my dark room sitting on the floor. I could meditate and do a pose or two. I could stare at the wall in the dark. Or have some pomegranate and cry like I had done nine years ago. That was awesome… actually, it was sort of fun. To cry while eating pomegranate. I’m telling you, make that one of your goals in life.

I guess it’s not bad to do weird things once in a while. Go ahead; don’t sleep. Sit on the floor in the dark and just ramble. Just do it at 3 am. Just you and the stars that are far away and that can’t be seen on cloudy nights. Ramble to yourself; ramble about lovers. His eyes, his lack of words, his honest answer. That’s the most attractive thing I guess; someone who’s so honest with their feelings. If they like your hair, they’ll say they like your hair. If they care about your love life, they’ll ask about your love life. They’re attentive to what you wear and they’ll comment on it. It’s that type of honesty that’s lovely. Not sweet words dubbed in euphemisms. Get to the heart of the issue, dig to the core. By saying nothing else, and just that one thing that you wanna hear that triggers something from something like, ‘you look great tonight.’ Just words that mean everything; like a vision of cascading fresh spring waterfall drenched on an unearthly high spirited maiden from dreams.
That’s what point blank words mixed with a lack of words do. Only real things. Body, flesh, love, hands, saliva, spank, hold, taste. Go out and walk in nature during the day. Talk about nothing. Absolutely nothing. And when you do talk, say just the things that are honest
the only things that matter
like
you turn me on.

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Sharing hugs with Mike

“So…” this begins by saying that I was somewhat intimidated by him. For possibly being too dumb for him. He was mathematically smart and he only said things that…
connected. And he was aware of everything. I mean, he was a nice guy. Too nice that it was intimidating.
With his flaming red hair that was going blond, his large body, and freckles all over his imperfect skin
I had a thing for him. I know for a fact that our personalities would have totally clicked
but I shied away because
of all that intimidation
mostly ’cause I felt too stupid around him
although I know he would’ve liked for me to have opened up more.

One night during happy hour with other colleagues, he caught my attention during the pool game. I pretended to play but I was concentrating on him the whole time. That night I thought about him, and lets just say that it was a very sad and vehemently lonely night. Not because I wanted him in particular; I wanted that something– that substance, soul, core, love, fun type of deal that makes you alive. I thought about him as a substitute that night, and it was the most intense night ever.

Years go by, blah blah blah, and he’s leaving. I finally got to speak to him without reservations and said that he would be missed. In the most professional of ways. He said something about ‘many years together,’ and because I’m a very touchy-feely person, I reached out for a goodbye hug. He rushed in to give it

And it was the biggest, tightest, longest, warmest, the most comfortable, reassuring, crushing, and deepest hug ever. After he let go of squeezing my small body in comparison to his big one; I felt like I had just come out of a spa; rejuvenated, flushed, and all. Or released after some deep intimacy with somebody.

That could have been it. We had hugged in front of people when saying goodbye, and people could have seen it, understood it, and moved on. But no. This other girl came over and reached for a goodbye hug too after seeing us. He gave her a big hug as well. God damn it. Way to steal my thunder.