Golden haze

Pink and blue evening,
inside, a champagne spritzing of simmering gold.
Your lips, soft and mellow, smiling at my reflection from the glass.
My eyes, kaleidoscope with your vision
moving in a direction, inching closer to your face.
Blinds, over the window
hold back the dusk light dying to crack in
while the music sings, and the iris of your eyes dance to a tune
from within.
The lyric scalds and scuffs,
and your smile; smiles again in a repetition that only makes you so much more distant
in this shimmering haze of golden dust.
My dress, black, for you
fingers want
to touch you
lips painted in pink, laughing
leaves a trace on the glass
while the world waltzes around its golden rim
immersed in placid
blinking reflections
dazzling hallucinations,
fizzing sweet

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What can I say? I connected with you the moment we met. You made me laugh in the most serious of circumstances. You were a rebel like me, but you didn’t care about showing it or not showing it. It came out every time I was around you.

We’d laugh in almost all the so-called serious moments with a language of our own. It’s almost like you knew just how funny life was. I admired you. You’re the type of woman who I look up to. Relate to. There’s something so intriguingly quirky about you. You were meant to do what you do. In fact, I believe you’re meant to do more. That’s how much I esteem you.
But you’re a knife, and I forget that sometimes. And when you slice through me, I’m left into pieces. And when you walk over them, I’m forever disheveled. I’m not as strong as you. In fact, I’m still a mush.
And now every time you laugh, I shrivel.
And every time you shine, I wane.
And every time you float around, I grow heavier, and heavier. I’m so tired.

When I see you, our talks are painfully casual. You know– those stupid, annoying types of talks? The talks that are so fake, shallow, and we both know it?

Because in your soul you know how passionate I am.

But here I am, all rusted up in front of you. Changed. And it’s the saddest thing in the world that our friendship has dissipated.
I don’t express it. I want it all to disappear, including you. But that’s just because it’s easier to erase things than to miss them.

But you’ll never know this, ‘cause you’ll never read this. And if your soul ever does,
I hope you know,
that I’m still there deep inside, and I miss you.