“So…” this begins by saying that I was somewhat intimidated by him. For possibly being too dumb for him. He was mathematically smart and he only said things that…
connected. And he was aware of everything. I mean, he was a nice guy. Too nice that it was intimidating.
With his flaming red hair that was going blond, his large body, and freckles all over his imperfect skin
I had a thing for him. I know for a fact that our personalities would have totally clicked
but I shied away because
of all that intimidation
mostly ’cause I felt too stupid around him
although I know he would’ve liked for me to have opened up more.
One night during happy hour with other colleagues, he caught my attention during the pool game. I pretended to play but I was concentrating on him the whole time. That night I thought about him, and lets just say that it was a very sad and vehemently lonely night. Not because I wanted him in particular; I wanted that something– that substance, soul, core, love, fun type of deal that makes you alive. I thought about him as a substitute that night, and it was the most intense night ever.
Years go by, blah blah blah, and he’s leaving. I finally got to speak to him without reservations and said that he would be missed. In the most professional of ways. He said something about ‘many years together,’ and because I’m a very touchy-feely person, I reached out for a goodbye hug. He rushed in to give it
And it was the biggest, tightest, longest, warmest, the most comfortable, reassuring, crushing, and deepest hug ever. After he let go of squeezing my small body in comparison to his big one; I felt like I had just come out of a spa; rejuvenated, flushed, and all. Or released after some deep intimacy with somebody.
That could have been it. We had hugged in front of people when saying goodbye, and people could have seen it, understood it, and moved on. But no. This other girl came over and reached for a goodbye hug too after seeing us. He gave her a big hug as well. God damn it. Way to steal my thunder.