I think about my slanted forehead, and I think about a portion of my Neanderthal DNA. Maybe that’s where it came from; back when Neanderthals and Homo sapiens mated, somewhat, possibly. There were many variations of “humans” back then; back when the world was much more diverse. Can you imagine how fun it would have been to play kickball with the Neanderthals? Or the Homo erectus? We could have been best friends. I would have been like, “I hate you, you’re different,” then realize that we’re all the same, cry, ask for forgiveness from nature, hold hands, sing in peace, and be best friends together.
My hominid best friends. Best best best friends. God, the more I think about them, the more I miss them.
Anyway, according to my grandma’s DNA, apparently like maybe two-ish percent is composed of Neanderthal DNA. She didn’t have a slanted forehead at all; it’s just something I assumed way-back-when in high school when we learned about the Neanderthals and I felt like, oh shit, maybe we’re related. Only few years go did I learn that people of European decent tended to have higher percentage of Neanderthal DNA than those from other parts of the world. Maybe that’s because these hominid species existed side by side together around Europe for a short lapse of time. Anyway, my grandma looked much more Caucasian than I do. As Indo-aryans, I guess it’s like throwing a dart; you never know what you’re gonna end up being born looking like.
Nevertheless, I like my slanted forhead, and my tiny widow’s peak that comes with it. I actually wish my forehead was slantier and that my widow’s peak was deeper because I think those are rare things, and I like features that are poignant and long; like long eyebrows. I’m grateful for that too, because I’m pretty much apathetic towards the rest of my features. The nose; god let’s not even go there. The eyes, god let’s not even go there too. But long elongated eyebrows, yep, let’s stay there.
People tend to base attraction on these things: eyes, lips, nose, chin, neck… I think. Anyway, for me, let’s focus on the slanted forehead and the widows peak, thank you very much. I don’t care if you don’t think it, but they’re assets you see, because
like one percent of the population notices it. So there. There you go.
There you go indeed.
So if you’re a creep who’s into odd things, you have my solidarity. Maybe we’re not creeps anyway. We find beauty in subtle things, right? Like things with subliminal flaws; like those people with deep smile lines or crooked smiles; things that show vulnerability.
But that’s just theory. When an attractive person walks by, we gawk. We fall to our knees and beg them to bestow upon us their magical beauty. And if not, we want to snatch them, put them on our horses and run away. Like how kings did to young women they found attractive back in the day. Or what strong women did to hot dudes. I don’t know. Carried them all, married then all. How lucky were they that they were born with the modern definition of beauty. We’ve been brainwashed by these definitions, making us all
pretty dense today. Maybe it’s time to redefine beauty. Maybe it’s time to turn all the ugly people beautiful.