Look sweetheart, my life is fked up and I’m pretty much a mess, but look at me! All goofy and funny, hanging low and smiling with a missing buck tooth and with raggedy old baggy pants on. Can’t you see? I’m dyin, but I’m smiling
All for you, and all for me, sweetheart.
What interests you tonight my darling?
Not possible. Is there anything else?
“Hey, I just wanna let you know that I’m getting a new girlfriend. You never give importance to me or to the things that I value. You never want to do anything together that’s fun or conducive to our relationship. You don’t have any future goals. I don’t even know what it is that you want… from me, from us, from our relationship, our plans, future, anything. We’re losing sight of the things we have in common. For god’s sake I don’t even know what you really enjoy doing anymore. Coming home has become a task. I feel dead or as if I’m dying. I think you’re completely not there for me nor are you beneficial to my mental health. We don’t communicate. You’re not supportive. I have no idea what makes you happy, and the few things that does– god help me– I don’t get it. It’s tiresome. I quit. I’ve moved on. I have a new girlfriend.”
“Does she have better hair than me?”
Sitting on your boss’s lap, leaning in and falling asleep
While he does work for you on the laptop
Someone comes in to check
He responds, ‘This is team-building…’
“One small fk for man,
One giant orgasm for mankind”
She walked over to him and said, “I need to have a discussion with you.”
“Ok” he said.
“It’s about colors. I hate black. I hate black vehemently. I even hate grey. You know what, I hate blue too. In fact, blue repulses me. Blue is like a traitor color. But I truly hate black. You can put all the shades of grey, black, and blue together and send them all to hell. I hate them all! I even hate ombré!”
“Wow ok” he responded.
“It’s disgusting” she snarled, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She said goodbye to her colleague as she put on her black coat and walked out of the office at the end of the day.
“You are the most normal person I know”