Ignorant Ingrid

“I just kind of… did it, you know? It was one of those situations where you just sort of… roll off a train, and just land here. That’s how I ended up settling out here.”

“… well that’s dumb”



Hot new ryyde

Guys, I have a hot new ride. It may not be Mercedes, Jaguar, or Porsche, but it gets me to the grocery store where I can buy a carton of almond milk and a box of cereal.



Goofy tree

Look sweetheart, my life is fked up and I’m pretty much a mess, but look at me! All goofy and funny, hanging low and smiling with a missing buck tooth and with raggedy old baggy pants on. Can’t you see? I’m dyin, but I’m smiling
All for you, and all for me, sweetheart.



What interests you tonight my darling?

What interests you tonight my darling?
Fiery sex.
Not possible. Is there anything else?
Intense learning.
Done deal.



Changing girlfriends

“Hey, I just wanna let you know that I’m getting a new girlfriend. You never give importance to me or to the things that I value. You never want to do anything together that’s fun or conducive to our relationship. You don’t have any future goals. I don’t even know what it is that you want… from me, from us, from our relationship, our plans, future, anything. We’re losing sight of the things we have in common. For god’s sake I don’t even know what you really enjoy doing anymore. Coming home has become a task. I feel dead or as if I’m dying. I think you’re completely not there for me nor are you beneficial to my mental health. We don’t communicate. You’re not supportive. I have no idea what makes you happy, and the few things that does– god help me– I don’t get it. It’s tiresome. I quit. I’ve moved on. I have a new girlfriend.”
“Does she have better hair than me?”
“I approve.”

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Good dream or a bad dream?

Sitting on your boss’s lap, leaning in and falling asleep
While he does work for you on the laptop
Someone comes in to check
He responds, ‘This is team-building…’




Sex in space

“One small fk for man,
One giant orgasm for mankind”