andd my life sucks”
I think about my slanted forehead, and I think about a portion of my Neanderthal DNA. Maybe that’s where it came from; back when Neanderthals and Homo sapiens mated, somewhat, possibly. There were many variations of “humans” back then; back when the world was much more diverse. Can you imagine how fun it would haveContinue reading “You have a nice forehead”
“So…” this begins by saying that I was somewhat intimidated by him. For possibly being too dumb for him. He was mathematically smart and he only said things that… connected. And he was aware of everything. I mean, he was a nice guy. Too nice that it was intimidating. With his flaming red hair thatContinue reading “Sharing hugs with Mike”
I was so ecstatic, and apparently, I still am. Had never been called a Doll before. They just hardly say it in the part of the US that I’m in. Maybe they say it in the south? I remember when I was called Honey as a kid. I remember thinking, ‘I am?’ and reading moreContinue reading “Being called a doll in London”
Ageism runs deep. It runs (ran) through my veins bitterly. There I was, twelve years old, just walking around the park barefoot pretending that I was in a Disney cartoon. Running through freshly cut grass (hindsight, not the best thing to do), singing to trees, pretending to be an Olympic ice skater on my rollerContinue reading “Ageism runs deep”
I’m not really talking about those who were born with red hair, but I’m talking about those who color their black hair red while going grey with the belief that the red will make grey less obvious while not actually making it black because putting black on black hair would give it away. They’re sortContinue reading “Psychos with red hair”
Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaakeeedddd nakkkkkkkkkkkeeeddd naaaaaaaaaaaaaaakeeeeddddd naaaaaaaaaaaaaakeeeeeeeeeeeeeeddddddddddddddd nakeddddddddddd nakedddddddddddddddd nakeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed naaaaaaaaaaakedddddddddddd nakeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed naaaaaaaaaaaakeeeeeeeeeeeeeeddddd naaaaaaaaakkeeedddd naaaaaaaaaaaakkkeeeeddddd naked naked naked naked nakedddddddddddddddddddd nakeeeeeeeeeeeeeed nakeddddddddd naaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkkked nakkkkkkkeeed nakkkkkkkkkkkkkeeed nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkkkkeedddd nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnaked nnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeedd naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaked nakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkked nakeddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd nakkkkkkkkkkked naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaked naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkkkkeeddddd hi.
What’s one of your biggest fears? Getting up and going to work Without pants on
He came back to his fast-paced consulting job after a costly trip to the Bahamas with his wife and two kids. He flew in the night before, and the next morning he stood in front of his new clients. They attentively looked at him while he tried to sell an ambiguous product. With much practiceContinue reading “Sales pitch”
Hi. I was nine years old during my stay at the hospital from a broken leg, and you were probably around that age too. Per request, the nurse brought in a Nintendo to my room for me to play Mario Bros. II one day, and you joined in to play. I was the mushroom andContinue reading “Missed connection”
What do you want to be when you grow up? “I wanna be a fighter jet pilot” “I want to be an astronaut” “I want to to be a doctor!” “I want to be a lawyer” “I want to be a computer whiz” “I want to be a teacher” “I want to be an accountant”Continue reading “Failure”
Prop up your pillow so that you’re sitting on bed. Stare at the wall in the dark. Hope that it gets boring.
A young woman was walking in the city during her work lunch break. She was well-dressed and had high heels on. Her long hair gently flowed with her, yet she was busy in thought. A man was calmly walking down the street with his hands in his pockets. They crossed paths and he said, “YouContinue reading “You look real good sister”
“What is reality… but just a fragment of a dream?” Like. “Roses are red Violets are blue Sugar is succulent And so are you.” Like. “F this world! F society! Alas, F life! Like. “Roses are blue Violets are blue The universe is blue My balls are blue.” Like. “Hi guys. I’m gonna be takingContinue reading “Web crush”
She went down to the kitchen in the morning and chugged a bottle of alcohol from the fridge. Her husband acknowledged her with a glance and stirred his mug of coffee as he watched her walk back upstairs. A few days later they were at the shrink’s office. “So what you’re telling me, ma’am, isContinue reading “The precise problem”
“I just kind of… did it, you know? It was one of those situations where you just sort of… roll off a train, and just land here. That’s how I ended up settling out here.” “… well that’s dumb”
Guys, I have a hot new ride. It may not be Mercedes, Jaguar, or Porsche, but it gets me to the grocery store where I can buy a carton of almond milk and a box of cereal.
Look sweetheart, my life is fked up and I’m pretty much a mess, but look at me! All goofy and funny, hanging low and smiling with a missing buck tooth and with raggedy old baggy pants on. Can’t you see? I’m dyin, but I’m smiling All for you, and all for me, sweetheart.
What interests you tonight my darling? Fiery sex. Not possible. Is there anything else? Intense learning. Done deal.
“Hey, I just wanna let you know that I’m getting a new girlfriend. You never give importance to me or to the things that I value. You never want to do anything together that’s fun or conducive to our relationship. You don’t have any future goals. I don’t even know what it is that youContinue reading “Changing girlfriends”
Sitting on your boss’s lap, leaning in and falling asleep While he does work for you on the laptop Someone comes in to check He responds, ‘This is team-building…’
“One small fk for man, One giant orgasm for mankind” -Commentator