Tonight, the streets were empty and the lights were too dim
and I was feeling that same type of feeling; unknowingly alone and negligibly desperate
but I didn’t need a man so much to save me
to bring life back into me; give me purpose, make me feel alive.
It felt like walking alone in an arid desert storm. The only things to hear you are the howling winds
that brush past your hardened skin
and try to thud your apathetic heart.
It was mechanic, emotionless, and mundane
but it was it
and I was I
making love with void once again
swaying with its blackness
not fighting this feeling of distance and aloneness
A feeling that used to subconsciously scare me
needing any spare boys to earth me
now, watching the empty streets from the car window
feeling my skeletons protude with the passing time
wondering what the universe’s thinking
I was so hurt today
I searched for a face;
My lover had no face today
There are people who are holding it down, day after day.
Comfortable in this foreseeable goal; go to sleep on time
Be a good parent…
To be an unstructured person, on the other hand; it wasn’t god’s gift. To be trained to follow rules makes you more structured. You got your rights and your wrongs aligned. You know what your goals are. You got a job to do.
To be unstructured makes you stand outside of the circle. You’re a hot mess and your life’s a wreck. You can’t hold down on anything. You’re always left guessing, fleeting, lost and such.
Get your act together and do yoga. Eat healthy and contemplate shit in the middle of the night. Stand there and listen, be stoic, but be sappy as hell when the time is right. To be structured and yet so unstructured. It’s a convoluted life for kids who grew up with no rules.
Sleepless, cold nights
Three little good things that try to push through
To make it all right
Few years ago, I had a couple of white hairs
Now, there’s a couple more
My life is over.