Vacant wedding

“Maybe I’ll have a song like this in my wedding,” she quickly thought and told her friend, while dancing out of sync with a drink in one hand. Her lips were frozen in a half smile, and her eyes were distant. She almost fell down, but her friend gathered her up. That would have been painful, thought the friend… considering how out-of-shape she was. The woman continued to dance, bending her knees up and down. The friend thought about her own toddler nephews who danced like that. The woman’s looped up shawl moved to the side, exposing an unkempt tattoo on her upper arm. From the distance, it looked like a big black mole over her pale cottage-cheese like arm. A song that the woman liked began to play, and she began shouting it out of tune. Tonight was the highlight of her year. She hadn’t had this much fun in months. Tonight was an opportunity to drink. Tonight was an opportunity to block out all the issues in her life until the next day. But she’d been doing that all her life anyway; all forty-five years.

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Changing girlfriends

“Hey, I just wanna let you know that I’m getting a new girlfriend. You never give importance to me or to the things that I value. You never want to do anything together that’s fun or conducive to our relationship. You don’t have any future goals. I don’t even know what it is that you want… from me, from us, from our relationship, our plans, future, anything. We’re losing sight of the things we have in common. For god’s sake I don’t even know what you really enjoy doing anymore. Coming home has become a task. I feel dead or as if I’m dying. I think you’re completely not there for me nor are you beneficial to my mental health. We don’t communicate. You’re not supportive. I have no idea what makes you happy, and the few things that does– god help me– I don’t get it. It’s tiresome. I quit. I’ve moved on. I have a new girlfriend.”
“Does she have better hair than me?”
“…Yeah.”
“I approve.”

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Blue, black, grey, and ombré

She walked over to him and said, “I need to have a discussion with you.”
“Ok” he said.
“It’s about colors. I hate black. I hate black vehemently. I even hate grey. You know what, I hate blue too. In fact, blue repulses me. Blue is like a traitor color. But I truly hate black. You can put all the shades of grey, black, and blue together and send them all to hell. I hate them all! I even hate ombré!”
“Wow ok” he responded.
“It’s disgusting” she snarled, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She said goodbye to her colleague as she put on her black coat and walked out of the office at the end of the day.

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Dinner conversation

I wanna open up to a girl one hundred percent, show her all my vulnerabilities and love her like there’s no tomorrow, he said.

I’m right here, she said.

I wanna hold her and focus on her face, kiss her, fall asleep next to her, caress her hair, hold her again and rock with her, body to body, motion to motion in a repetitive fashion for days and nights on end.

I’m right here, she said.

I want to fall in love completely, as if I’m bungee jumping off a cliff into a continuous free fall forever, and give her my everything; every inch of my palpitating soul, every inch of my generous, sensual, tangible warm body.

I’m right here, she said.

I need a girl who loves without limits, who matches my passion, my zeal, my sensitivities, my pain; who wants to touch me and hold me, love me and cry with me, who looks at me in the eyes and sees nothing else, who feels my burn and feels nothing else.

I’m right here, she said.

“Ready to go home?” He finally spoke as he looked up from his phone at the dinner table.
“Yep” she replied as she grabbed her purse, before they headed their separate ways.

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How would you like your men, ma’am?

A young woman walked into sky mall.
“How would you like your men, ma’am?” A store clerk asked.
“How would I like my men?” She questioned, slightly annoyed that the clerk hadn’t figured out her extra picky nature by now.
“How would I like my men?” She repeated while thinking out loud. “Just like how I like my clothes,” her voice trailed off into the clouds.

“It has to be the right material to make me comfortable. Made of fabric that doesn’t fuzz up. The perfect color to brighten up my skin. The exact size for my fit. It has to be snug but gorgeous at the same time. It has to be versatile enough to be styled into different layered combinations. I should be able to dress it down during the day and party it up at night. Must be durable and long lasting. Must be a classic style that will always stay in fashion. No polka dots or stripes, please. It must be soft and soothing to the touch.”
“Would you like your clothe to be infused in lotion ma’am?”
“Sure, why not.”
“You are very particular!” The clerk said after finally finding the perfect clothing for her.
“Well, it’s very important to me,” she said while remembering a time she had compulsively bought some flashy outfit that had caught her eye; which didn’t match her lifestyle nor her personality. She wore it probably only once, and never again.
“Make sure you take good care of it,” The clerk advised her.
“Oh, this will last me a long time.”
“Would you like to shop for any other clothes?” The clerk asked politely, yet hesitantly.
“Of course! I need several more shirts, extra pants, and some new sweaters for the season.”
The tired clerk took a deep breath and regretted asking her.
“But, don’t worry, I can buy those any other time. I’m so excited about this outfit, I can’t wait to go home and wear it right away! It’ll be my favorite!”
The clerk exhaled.
She smiled and waved goodbye as she walked out of the store happy.

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He could never hurt her

“I hope you know that I’m in love with you, deeply. I have a gut feeling that we’re meant to be; the planets align, the stars are giving a sign. Don’t deny it, I know you love me. You’re my girl, my soulmate, my reason. I can sense it in my core,” he said that night right before she broke up with him. She believed that he was too crazy, while she was much more pragmatic. She didn’t think that she was playing with his heart; her intentions had always been honest. She just knew that it wouldn’t work out in the long run. She wanted to end it before it got too far and turned into a disaster. He told her that it had already gotten too far, and that it couldn’t just be dropped. However, he compromised that if it was her decision, he had no choice but to try to somehow move on, knowing very well that he could never fall in love like that again. He could forgive her, but he couldn’t himself. He cursed at fate, the stars, and the heavens above, but never at her.

Twenty years had gone by. She still thought about him from time to time. In fact, she felt his presence all the time. The truth was that she never let him go. It was not her choice. It was the arms of invisible time holding her down, making her stay in the same place in her head, repeating scenes over and over. He jolted her heart, but who knew that it’d sway for twenty years? Twenty more? Would he be there in another life, waiting for her with his arms wide open? Such bliss, she thought, away from this treacherous world.

She threw pieces of bread to ducks swimming in the pond. She was alongside her friend whose children were laughing and playing nearby.
“You look so dreamy and lost. Are you in loveee?” Her friend joked with her eyes gleaming.
She smiled. “When am I not?”
“Oh really? How do you know it’s love?”
“When he finds joy in putting you before him, when you know that he could never hurt you,” she spoke absentmindedly.
Her friend quietly looked away and threw a piece of bread to the ducks. In the background they could hear the children shouting. The friend turned around and asked her a billion more questions. None of which she wanted to answer, none of which she could answer.

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Serenity

He was sitting in front of the shrink amidst silence. “And you’re saying that you think there’s nothing wrong with you?” Asked the shrink.
“No, nothing major,” he responded.
The shrink wrote something in the notepad. “You’re saying,” continued the shrink “That you’re here because you just want to talk to someone?”
“Quite right,” he answered.
“Alright,” the shrink said followed by a moment of pause. “So let’s continue with where we left off. What was her name, this ex-partner that you were elaborating on earlier? You believed she had the most fascinating of names.”
“Serenity,” he spoke.
“Serenity was her name?”
“No, not necessarily. At least that’s what it meant.”
“So Serenity was not her actual name?” The shrink verified.
“No. I prefer not to disclose it for confidential reasons.”
“That’s fine,” the shrink said as he jotted something down. “And may I ask, what was fascinating about it?”
“She had large dull eyes. They were dark and they hardly had any spark to them. She didn’t talk much. But the most fascinating thing is; I don’t believe she even thought much. I believe she was vacuous.”
“Vacuous?”
“Yes, it’s unfathomable.”
“Why?”
“Because there’s always a little voice inside my head. Talking in different tones and accents; depending on what I’m reading or thinking. It drives me crazy. I can’t fathom someone not always thinking or listening to little voices in their heads,” he explained.
“You found this fascinating about her?” The shrink asked.
“Absolutely.”
“The fact that she was vacuous?”
“Yes,” he clarified. He shifted his seating position. “That could be fascinating, couldn’t it be doc?”
“One can suppose.”
“It makes sense to me. I find it fascinating because I want it in my life, badly.”
“Serenity, her?”
“Exactly.”
“Well, what happened?”
The man paused for a moment. “I quickly became fascinated by other things instead,” he said. He sipped the glass of water that was next to him, and the shrink did the same. They were sitting before each other amidst silence.

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