Glad it didn’t prolong longer

I’ve been with five hundred guys mentally, but him; he’s been in at least four long term, live-in relationships since then. How can you even move on and do that same thing again, like even after two? And they look like the same exact people too. So strange.

Well… actually, never mind.

 

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Three guys, all f’d Up

Her life was getting miserable-r, just like anybody else’s, but while getting into that cavity that one falls into in the back of their minds; that cavity that makes everything a thousand times more horrible and painful; she had a thought– there were others too, just as miserable.
They live perfect lives and always have something missing inside. Product of a complex world. Less time using hands, more time forming thoughts that have no basis
No relative thing to hang on to.

He leads a perfect life and has everything else, but he still misses that. That time when he used to care less about everything. Now he realizes he’s old and is only growing older, and now he would do anyyythinnngggg
Anything
To get it back. It only took over a decade for him to realize how much time he had lost.

Then there’s him. Running on diet Pepsi. Needing it every five minutes to wake up. Mundane drive around town, mundane job and a slow life. He’s got all the time in the world and it’s always spent on useless stuff. When the sun hits his head from the side, he could look like a star of all sorts. He’s got a skinny body and a tiny head; you could put a cape on him and call him superman. He hops into his beat-up car and sputters off. There’s bills to pay, other odd end jobs to find, possibly a nice girl to hope for, and the pursuit of god damn happiness.

Then there’s that guy. Everything’s going right for him, but it’s just those other a-holes that ruin it for him. He just needs his box of food and a night of watching sports with his curtains all closed. He just needs a girl to make herself ready for him at all times. There’s no concept of time. There’s no rush for anything, there’s no aim. There’s just eating, breathing, fucking, and using the toilet. If the world would let him, he’d eat a box of pizza forever and grow forever into a ball. They would roll him down the stairs, roll him down the streets; he wouldn’t care. That’s life for ya. It’s just others who have it all jacked up. What a bunch of losers.

Thus, in the end there’s nothing to be happy about, and yet even more, there’s nothing to be sad about knowing that everyone is just as miserable as the other. There really could be no misery when misery is the norm. She saw the guy gulp in the bottle of Pepsi to get a kick start on his life. She saw the reflection of the dude in a car trying to race back in time. She saw the fat dude reading about sports in his phone with apathetic eyes. Dim sunlight, fading reflections in time, slow moving speedy car rides. Stars in our eyes. Buzzing delusions, vacant dreams. Our faces converge and we look at one another. There’s a sense of wonder, but there’s an ever greater sense of hopelessness. We ride down the road together, our heads rocking around.

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There was a boy she once loved

There was a boy she once loved. She fell in love with him when she was eight years old and he was in his little bicycle. He sped by her while she shyly walked to school. During recess, she saw him playing in the monkey bars with classmates, and after school, she’d spot his outgoing-self laughing and telling jokes to his friends.

She met him twenty years later, and he looked just as handsome, except older. He glanced at her with a mischievous smile and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She blushed, but was crying inside because of how hard life had gotten. He took her to the beach and they swam in the oceans together. He took her to the mountains and they hugged each other. He took her to the rivers, and they watched it flow in silence with her head on his shoulder. He took her everywhere, and she loved the thrill of it. She smiled ear to ear. They walked arm in arm.

They looked cute together. People never understood why they didn’t end up with each other. But truth be told, he was much too into pretty girls with big personalities, and she; guys with money. So the season turned and the clouds shifted their positions, and in no time the years progressed after they lovingly stared into each other’s eyes one night; unable to change what the stars had in store for them. That night, his beautiful eyes sparkled while he hid more want than anyone would ever want to admit, and her eyes–they tried to look positive; although she wished to never leave his arms.

Everyone wondered what happened to them afterwards, but most likely he found a pretty girl, moved on, and lived a big voluptuous life. But she, she died living alone forever. The tree and the leaves tell me that. Right around here they buried her in the grave, and an innocent bright flower blooms over it, for a few days in summer.

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Late 90s crushes

Between the ages of fourteen and sixteen, I was desperately in love with college guys. From the dirty window of my prison school bus, I could see them freely walking around the nearby campus with plaid shirt and loose jeans on, nonchalantly listening to music in their headphones while carrying a low hanging worn backpack. I held my breath and couldn’t wait to go to college. A few years later, I entered the same campus as a student myself and stood there on the sidewalk with my backpack on. But it just wasn’t the same.