Psychos with red hair

I’m not really talking about those who were born with red hair, but I’m talking about those who color their black hair red while going grey with the belief that the red will make grey less obvious while not actually making it black because putting black on black hair would give it away. They’re sort of goofy looking; they can have some remaining grey hairs on the sides that never got dyed, so now they’re left with all three colors of black, grey, and red hairs and look like clowns. They’re also pretty OCD; taking multiple showers a day, shaving constantly, repeating lame jokes, etc. They wear their pants high up, walk around shirtless with a towel hanging off a shoulder, and they’re always chewing on candies. They also love tea, and make it minimum five times a day including one at 10pm promptly. Maybe one at 2am too, who knows, since everyone is asleep by then. Because they’re on antipsychotics, it’s a joy to make tea. They stutter songs out of tune and forget/make up lyrics and grind ginger and other spices on mortar and pestle. It makes them feel like it’s morning and that they’re right on track with life; when they’re busy making tea at 2am. It’s usually a jolly song and there’s loud thumping sounds coming from the mortal and pestle. All weirdos love tea and feel that it’s always tea time, it’s a fact.
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hi.

Sales pitch

He came back to his fast-paced consulting job after a costly trip to the Bahamas with his wife and two kids. He flew in the night before, and the next morning he stood in front of his new clients. They attentively looked at him while he tried to sell an ambiguous product. With much practice and experience, he had several tag lines all lined up to generate the hype. Using honesty as a tactic, he told his customers that he was strictly fueling on an energy drink since he had just returned from vacation the night before and hadn’t gotten enough sleep. He also let them know that he was only there physically, and was somewhere else mentally. Several members of the audience stared at him like pit bulls and were ready to interrogate him on the meaningless product that he was going to get them to buy. He clapped his hands and said, “Ok! Let’s begin.” He then said, “But first, can you please push the play button?” He lowered his head in front of a female client. She thought for a second, then pressed on the middle of his forehead. They shared a laugh, and he began talking.
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Missed connection

Hi. I was nine years old during my stay at the hospital from a broken leg, and you were probably around that age too. Per request, the nurse brought in a Nintendo to my room for me to play Mario Bros. II one day, and you joined in to play. I was the mushroom and I wasn’t really paying attention to the game and I was just excited about the fact that I was sitting next to a boy. Do you remember me? Bye.
MarioBrosII