Thoughts of breaking up from a long term relationship, and a goat slaughter

The taste of death feels close to the tongue; you sort of don’t care about anything anymore. You visualize your worst nightmare; the thought of being an old single lady who’s lonely as hell, and it doesn’t even feel that nightmarish anymore. What’s worse? Someone asks. Losing your pride or to die lonely? But if

Ramble to yourself, ramble about lovers

Tonight, there’s no star outside. Just me in my dark room sitting on the floor. I could meditate and do a pose or two. I could stare at the wall in the dark. Or have some pomegranate and cry like I had done nine years ago. That was awesome… actually, it was sort of fun.

Sharing hugs with Mike

“So…” this begins by saying that I was somewhat intimidated by him. For possibly being too dumb for him. He was mathematically smart and he only said things that… connected. And he was aware of everything. I mean, he was a nice guy. Too nice that it was intimidating. With his flaming red hair that

Being called a doll in London

I was so ecstatic, and apparently, I still am. Had never been called a Doll before. They just hardly say it in the part of the US that I’m in. Maybe they say it in the south? I remember when I was called Honey as a kid. I remember thinking, ‘I am?’ and reading more

An a$$ kind of love

Your wannabe interest and my wannabe interest in going out, partying hard, and getting laid was strong enough to bring us together. It’s a bit weird having this type of a mindset for someone who’s commonly seen as a pretty oddly-reserved-for-no-apparent-reason type of person. You were everything that I objectified; dark haired and creamy skinned.

Mini life goal sort of complete

A mini life goal is sort of complete; I finally had an awkward face to face small talk with an older man who was somewhat into me. Maybe small talks aren’t a big deal if you’re a regular chick who’s aware of the big picture. But for people like me who grew up with big

Convo about caterpillars

I don’t even remember his name, but we participated in a really boring field research job in college. I worked with him quietly for a couple of sporadic days, and one day, I just decided to randomly ask him: “So if a caterpillar falls from an airplane, is it gonna die or will it bounce

Ageism runs deep

Ageism runs deep. It runs (ran) through my veins bitterly. There I was, twelve years old, just walking around the park barefoot pretending that I was in a Disney cartoon. Running through freshly cut grass (hindsight, not the best thing to do), singing to trees, pretending to be an Olympic ice skater on my roller

When I pissed myself in China

No, it’s not something that I’m proud of; it never is, but some moments are so effing awkward, traumatic, yet thrilling that I have to write about it. The smell of sweat when you’re traveling alone for two straight days; running about here and there, trying to figure shit out while you follow rules less

Beautiful day

Because I thought I was cool, I took a DJing class in high school. I had greater aspirations back then. It didn’t go very far in life, but it was mostly a joke anyway. One day in class, we had to play a quick song sampler of our choosing. For some reason, “beautiful day” was

Deep night with a douchebag

Southeast Asian beaches remind me of him. I was young, the night was wild, the winds were gently blowing over my face, and there was mystery light blinking from a ship afar. The stars were crystal clear and bright, the breeze was warm. My skin was radiating even in the dark. So warm it all

Apologizing does not make you weak

This is just a reminder to myself, actually, but maybe it can help someone else out too. I’m not usually the one who gets caught in a drama fight, but once in a while it happens out of… I don’t know, boredom? Let me spill out my imperfections (it’s who I am, I’m aware of

Vegetable seller

When I was a kid, I reclined near the balcony door under the sunlight and overheard the veggie seller shout out vegetables he was selling for the day. Such a lively thing it was; the crows were crowing… the birds were chirping, dogs barking, music playing, people talking, cars honking, kids yelling, bells ringing, whistles

Zoning out as usual

After almost 24 hrs without sleep in LA and a day of walking around in China, I’m just as is near the himalayas. Dusty roads and birds chirping around me mid daylight, but I’m just lying in bed inside. Staring at the cracked ceiling Filled with love.    

Book I’m not gonna read, sketch I’m not gonna draw

Something happens when I head to the east. Way more interested in soaking in the air, sounds, and sights; the honking of the cars, the hustling and bustling of people, random music, everything. Sitting on the rooftop watching people walk. Two years ago I went into a spell of whatever the f it was when

Baby daddies

Looking back, I think about all the guys who could have been Like that guy in my high school Who quietly carried my backpack for me, while I was in-between lightheadedness From blood loss and menstrual pain And loneliness  

Missed connection

Hi. I was nine years old during my stay at the hospital from a broken leg, and you were probably around that age too. Per request, the nurse brought in a Nintendo to my room for me to play Mario Bros. II one day, and you joined in to play. I was the mushroom and

Kicking rocks for no reason

I remember when I had an epiphany that I would ultimately forget again. It was during one of my first jobs in an office as a collage student. That job was where I had gotten a taste of the adult working world. There was a creepy mathematics dude who used to always stop by my

Mr. Mock

It just came to me out of nowhere, but I think his name was Mr. Mock. He was the gym teacher who made elementary school ten times more fun, especially for extremely playful kids like myself. Why would anyone want to sit around, study, and get lost in messed up thoughts when you could be

Greasy pizza

We were little kids who sat in the school cafeteria during lunchtime. The cafeteria special that day, as it was every other day, was pizza. I used to think that pizza was a big deal, but the school pizza really, really sucked. I had a friend from Botswana next to me and a friend from

Hot new ryyde

Guys, I have a hot new ride. It may not be Mercedes, Jaguar, or Porsche, but it gets me to the grocery store where I can buy a carton of almond milk and a box of cereal.  

Nothinnn

You go through life doing a lot of things; School, work, relationships, Vacations, hearing neat speeches, Learning new skills, that get old Finding a niche Forming an opinion Feeling sad for others; getting annoyed by others Feeling attacked, developing a case to live Doing productive stuff while watching the clock tick When really, there’s nothing

Surely dying

I’m sitting here on the empty Jacuzzi staring at the ceiling with water droplets spritzing near my face, as I try to feel fulfilled. In my room, I spray all types of scents to calm my senses but it just numbs me down. I have every material thing that I want and I make a