The type of love without a reward
The type of love without a reward
It’s dark outside and there are night owls hooting. There’s sounds of bats and the rustling of leaves amid darkness and chilly winds. I don’t know what’s happened to me. I lean closer to my lover and he comforts with his strong embrace. Inside the warmly lit room, we’re safe under covers from the unknown outside. I dig into his arms deeper. He holds me tighter as my heart rattles with fear with each passing sound from the creatures outside. In the deep dark corners of my mind, I’m forever alone. I’m forever left in some dark pit trying to gather myself together. My teeth chatter and I close my eyes behind crinkly hair that covers my face. My clothes are wet and I feel helpless; as if the only thing that could ever save me is death that might come during sleep. I try and try to disappear, but I just can’t. He holds until I get out of that world, and I feel my heart racing against his chest. He tells me I’m safe but I don’t believe it. I wonder if these things will ever leave me. I may be trapped I say, he’ll save me, says he. He rocks me ’till my heart slows down. But when I close my eyes, it comes back to me. There’s a prison where I live and hear the strange sounds again and again. I’ve been living there for twenty-three years and I just can’t take it. There’s either now or there’s forever like this. There’s choices that I’ve never fathomed existed. I see the gate before me, but it takes guts to get up and check if it’s unlocked. Sweat trickles down my face but I’m tired and I want to be set free. Whatever sound it is that I hear, I must let it ring all through me and between me if it doesn’t stop. These burning eyes of mine obscure my vision, but I must see through them. Amid the screams I push open the prison gate with ease. It was never locked to begin with. I watch the wide unknown looming in the darkness, and take a breath. It’s now that I free myself.
My lover is asleep amid the lamp light. The owls hoot like always as I look out the window. I open the bedroom door and walk down the dark stairs. I open the main door of the house and hear the rustling of the autumn winds that I despise. I stand into the open, look at the pitch back surrender, and walk outside.
Me? I’m completely polygamous.
I believe in several loving relationships.
And I love each the same.
We grew up an arm’s length apart. I watched you
Make a mess out of your life, although I never participated. I just found out, ultimately.
But there you are, wearing that shirt in which you shine. God, you are so handsome. Being around you makes me feel insecure; it feels like you’d slip out of my arms any time. And there’d be no point in prolonging any courtship, because it’d take a million ton of weight
To keep me from not liking you
I’d hate this repetitive and cursed beautiful song
In which I’d been a victim of
A burden for you to have to drag a girl so giddy
And a trap for me ’cause I could never think clearly
It’s something in the winds that influence my colors
I helplessly dance along its trail as it combs my hair
I spin while it wraps me with intoxication
In a bundle, a fabric of some sort of love
What you’re left to see is a girl who’s a bit dull
So I beg you
To break it all
I’m not myself when I’m with you I lose it
It’s in your virtue to seek that what makes you shine
And when you’ll find her
Break this ghastly heart of mine
To not to love is a curse and to do it will kill
We’ll live in this amnesiac, half dead dream
At arm’s length