You’re a lover of beauty, but I absolutely love it when you draw ugly things. It’s like dissecting through me and tantalizing on the hideousness,
unevenness, asymmetries, quirks, faults and mistakes.
It’s gutting my pain, and somehow finding a hidden rainbow
From splatters of chaotic colors.
I love it when you see it; these bursts of fire red and seeping black blue. I love it when your brush strokes frantically because life just isn’t more. It’s a silly dance that you dance, of anguish and frustrations, but it’s so grand. I know you’re a lover of beauty, but I just love it when your hand’s stained in ink. When the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen rests on a dirty sheet of paper,
when you destroy its face into pieces and see me.
Sometimes everything becomes so difficult, and you feel weak and lonely. But the sun has a marvelous way of shining on you, smiling zenfully at you,
holding your hand,
and picking you up.
On the green grass, breathing in nature, during the sunny daytime, with you
On the courtyard, hearing the insects, under the moonlit starry nighttime, with you
In the news yesterday, a girl accidentally killed her sister carelessly while drunk driving. She sounded apathetic when she talked. I felt sharp anger towards her. I thought she didn’t deserve this world nor this life anymore. She was a disgrace to society; a murderer of her own innocent sister. She seemed to sound crazy when she talked. She looked emotionless; it was as if she was possessed. She’s the type that no one will ever understand. She’s probably hurt. This world is full of hurt. Full of walking souls; miserable, in pain. In the end, I wanted to give her a hug. I imagined the faraway and numb look on her face.
I wanted to go home and hug my little sister. I’d give up a limb for her.
I got confronted at the bus stop several weeks back. It wasn’t a big deal but I still recall how I chose to remain silent and composed while the bus driver laughed.
I got yelled by the same guy for a mistake he made while he was inattentive. I’m sure he realized his mistake and felt bad afterwards, but I still got hurt.
When my mom yells at me due to frustrations in her own life, I know she’s not the perpetrator and nor am I the victim. I just know that sometimes we get treated as people’s punching bags. Sometimes it hurts being passive; people really may not know how sensitive I really am inside. It hurts me, and my eyes moisten in the silence amid darkness. But the sounds of crickets at night whisper to me that they really do know. My sensitivity is as clear as daylight; it really isn’t something that I could ever hide very well. Yet I understand why we get treated as punching bags. The perpetrators are hurting as much as the victims themselves. Everybody’s swimming in a sea of hurt. A dead man killed on the cross is a hurtful sight that’s inspired an entire religion. We’re all just walking around carrying our own stories and burdens. It’s a quiet world if we just let our minds hush. It’s a loving world if we just look into each other’s teary eyes.
In my childhood, I saw something on TV that stuck with me. This guy entered an empty house full of… birds? They flew around in slow motion. They shined. They were women. It was a house full of beautiful women. They smiled and they greeted each other silently. They walked around in slow motion. He observed them as he walked between them and around then. A woman, with a sweater on, looked at his direction and smiled. He smiled idly and waved back at her. She walked towards him and his happiness lingered with a sigh of relief. She walked past him and greeted her friend. His smiled dropped. It was as if he was completely nonexistent.
I’d say hi to him. I wouldn’t ignore him. I’d comfort him. I’d lead him through this oddly foreign territory. I’d smile next to him. I’d put my head on his shoulder and link my arm to his. We’d sit on the sofa underneath the ray of sunlight penetrating through the window. I’d look at him and he’d look at me, and we’d be lost in each other’s eyes in a vast blue sea of wonder. We’d form a pyramid with our finger tips. I would whisper of love and my dreams and fill the void in his empty heart. It’s true. That’s what I’d do, if I were a magical bird.
Look sweetheart, my life is fked up and I’m pretty much a mess, but look at me! All goofy and funny, hanging low and smiling with a missing buck tooth and with raggedy old baggy pants on. Can’t you see? I’m dyin, but I’m smiling
All for you, and all for me, sweetheart.
I wouldn’t mind if every day I had to get up to do work;
which would be to rehearse some type of classical instrument with others in a sort of musical ensemble.