Tonight, there’s no star outside. Just me in my dark room sitting on the floor. I could meditate and do a pose or two. I could stare at the wall in the dark. Or have some pomegranate and cry like I had done nine years ago. That was awesome… actually, it was sort of fun. To cry while eating pomegranate. I’m telling you, make that one of your goals in life.
I guess it’s not bad to do weird things once in a while. Go ahead; don’t sleep. Sit on the floor in the dark and just ramble. Just do it at 3 am. Just you and the stars that are far away and that can’t be seen on cloudy nights. Ramble to yourself; ramble about lovers. His eyes, his lack of words, his honest answer. That’s the most attractive thing I guess; someone who’s so honest with their feelings. If they like your hair, they’ll say they like your hair. If they care about your love life, they’ll ask about your love life. They’re attentive to what you wear and they’ll comment on it. It’s that type of honesty that’s lovely. Not sweet words dubbed in euphemisms. Get to the heart of the issue, dig to the core. By saying nothing else, and just that one thing that you wanna hear that triggers something from something like, ‘you look great tonight.’ Just words that mean everything; like a vision of cascading fresh spring waterfall drenched on an unearthly high spirited maiden from dreams.
That’s what point blank words mixed with a lack of words do. Only real things. Body, flesh, love, hands, saliva, spank, hold, taste. Go out and walk in nature during the day. Talk about nothing. Absolutely nothing. And when you do talk, say just the things that are honest
the only things that matter
you turn me on.
I was so hurt today
I searched for a face;
My lover had no face today
It’s push and pull
The world pushes you away, but you have this massive will
Bigger than a series of constellations
That tethers you back
It’s that will
That binds me
It’s thicker than anything imaginable
It’s stronger than any physical bonds
It’s connected to a rope that’s infinitely long
No one can see it
But it makes you run
And come back
Live or die
Sweat in my eyes
Ya make me feel so alive
Your wannabe interest and my wannabe interest in going out, partying hard, and getting laid was strong enough to bring us together. It’s a bit weird having this type of a mindset for someone who’s commonly seen as a pretty oddly-reserved-for-no-apparent-reason type of person. You were everything that I objectified; dark haired and creamy skinned. And I was everything you objectified; dark haired and petite… as you say. It was love when I saw you by the swimming pool with trunks clung about your behind, and by the window at night; I saw you from another building window
your body fit and statuesque like that of a Greek god
as you took your shirt off near a fan amid hot weather
that memory is forever imprinted in my mind like some rom com. I probably looked like shit that day with my old shirt on,
but you always stood out like arm candy. If you’d known what I thought, you’d probably say I’m being too hard on myself, but it’s tough being with a guy that you believe looks better than you.
I mean, you’re always smiling, even when you’re annoyed; you got this curve about your lips and chicks come running at your feet… I mean, I did. Maybe I was just a number one fan. But anyway, it was the best thing ever
having nothing else in common but our interest for making out and grabbing each other. I think the deepest conversation we ever had was on the beach that night when I asked you what you were thinking, and you gave the most ‘umm… like are we supposed to be thinking?’ type of pause and said something pretty cute and mediocre like, “It’s a nice night… I’m with a nice girl…” Inside I thought, ‘that’s it?’ but looking back, welp, that was it indeed… and hey, it was honest.
Good times, nice ass, and a lot of funny situations. We had the most amount of smiles and never really talked.
He said I was the best girlfriend he ever had, and likewise, he was the nicest piece of a$$ I ever got. Man it was so fun. I love him forever and deeply, just because of that.
When you’re feeling alone and riddled with fear in the dark of the night
And playing catch in an empty living room with a helpless playful dog for the sake of his negligible happiness
How do I make myself care more, just how?