Surely dying

I’m sitting here on the empty Jacuzzi staring at the ceiling with water droplets spritzing near my face, as I try to feel fulfilled. In my room, I spray all types of scents to calm my senses but it just numbs me down. I have every material thing that I want and I make a lot of money for a chick who claims to not need a lot. I turn on the bright blue therapy light that mimics sunlight to feel like I’m sitting under the sun. I meet a lot of people every day whom I don’t call my own. I have the love of my two parents but I want a big family that’s fifty times bigger and will have my back. I have the guy that adores me but I also want one who doesn’t. I’m climbing the capitalist ladder but I believe in socialist type stuff. I’m maintaining my status as a whatever, but it’s just killing me inch by inch. I don’t take pills, smoke, or drink to cope but that doesn’t mean I’m happier. I can’t follow spiritual leaders and luminaries who say pretty things because in the end they’re just humans like me. I can’t support any religions with an open heart because they talk too much of discipline, but I’m fueled by instinct and desire. I have realistic aspirations now and still want to do significant things for the future, but I don’t if I don’t have to. I can have kids if I want to but I may just let my body shut down. There are twelve months in a year and eight of them are already over and I can’t get the past three or four years back.

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The animals have become our puppets…

Unconscious minds, robotic lives, synthetic food,
Industrialization, expedited technological progression, automation
The labor force driven by coffee and lack of sleep
Careless destruction of nature…
Children nurtured by media
Animals, our puppets

Everybody’s hurting

In the news yesterday, a girl accidentally killed her sister carelessly while drunk driving. She sounded apathetic when she talked. I felt sharp anger towards her. I thought she didn’t deserve this world nor this life anymore. She was a disgrace to society; a murderer of her own innocent sister. She seemed to sound crazy when she talked. She looked emotionless; it was as if she was possessed. She’s the type that no one will ever understand. She’s probably hurt. This world is full of hurt. Full of walking souls; miserable, in pain. In the end, I wanted to give her a hug. I imagined the faraway and numb look on her face.

I wanted to go home and hug my little sister. I’d give up a limb for her.

I got confronted at the bus stop several weeks back. It wasn’t a big deal but I still recall how I chose to remain silent and composed while the bus driver laughed.

I got yelled by the same guy for a mistake he made while he was inattentive. I’m sure he realized his mistake and felt bad afterwards, but I still got hurt.

When my mom yells at me due to frustrations in her own life, I know she’s not the perpetrator and nor am I the victim. I just know that sometimes we get treated as people’s punching bags. Sometimes it hurts being passive; people really may not know how sensitive I really am inside. It hurts me, and my eyes moisten in the silence amid darkness. But the sounds of crickets at night whisper to me that they really do know. My sensitivity is as clear as daylight; it really isn’t something that I could ever hide very well. Yet I understand why we get treated as punching bags. The perpetrators are hurting as much as the victims themselves. Everybody’s swimming in a sea of hurt. A dead man killed on the cross is a hurtful sight that’s inspired an entire religion. We’re all just walking around carrying our own stories and burdens. It’s a quiet world if we just let our minds hush. It’s a loving world if we just look into each other’s teary eyes.

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Climbing ambitions

Chugging energy,
Heart on fire
Too many questions, too little time
Climbing ambitions
Vanishing restrictions
Instinctive, fueled by passion, high on drive
Restless
Burning with curiosity
Honest motives
Direct and raw
Uninhibited and fearless
Happy
Wise and confident
Worshiping the answers

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IDEAL SOCIETY to make us all happier

(Opinions as of 2017/03/31)

Underlying assumptions:
All things organic/inorganic are important for existence in this current state of “reality” in some form or another, and thus are inherently good.

Humans have something to offer to the planet, and the planet has something to offer to humans.

Women are important and bring something to the table, and men are equally important and bring something to the table.

Sexuality:
Virtually all mammals, like us, are not lifelong monogamous. Around 80% of present day human societies in this world continue to be polygamous. Lifelong monogamy in a tolerant natural environment is pure fantasy.

–Similarity to other primates
Present day species that most closely resemble humans genetically and behaviorally are chimpanzees, and secondarily, gorillas. Chimps live in promiscuous fusion small group societies where members in the groups change continuously. Gorillas live in a relatively more stable, yet still, polygamous societies.

–Benefit of genetic diversity in offspring
If there comes a time in society where women are granted equal education, respect, and power as men, women shouldn’t be shamed in comparison to men for having children with multiple partners. Although physically, men can produce many kids while women can produce one child at a time in a much more delayed fashion; it’s still beneficial in terms of genetic diversity to have kids from multiple partners for both sexes.

–Having children young
If there comes a time in society where women are granted equal education, respect, and power as men, women shouldn’t be scared to have children young. Both women and men’s bodies are designed to have children early on, and fertility declines later on in life for both sexes.

–Genetic problems with inbreeding
Inbreeding is not common among animals. In the animal world, most offspring leave their birth group after they are mature enough to reproduce themselves. In chimpanzee groups, the female offspring leaves her birth group as soon as she reaches sexual maturity and moves on to associate with another group. Male chimps tend to stay in their original birth groups with other males, while the females tend to be more transient and transfer around. In several human societies consisting of small groups and villages, young women are married off to members of another village or outside their village because their entire village is considered family.

Society:
The concept of vast empires, large countries, and massive unions is too grand of a fantasy and ultimately breaks down in the natural world (example: the fall of the Soviet Union into different pieces, the European Union struggles, the United States of America having distinct states with distinct rules and regulations).

As social creatures, we have a need to interact with others. Thus, we are more connected to small groups and communities that are more within our reach in comparison to vast societies where we feel disconnected. Like other primates and our early human ancestors, we function well in small groups and societies– hence the existence of thousands and thousands of various ethnic groups, social groups, and communities throughout the world. In small groups, everyone has roles and duties. Everyone is busy and has a legitimate essential role; a purpose. Once people feel that they have a purpose, they are less depressed and happier.

What happened due time? Like rapid fire, technology in humans advanced much faster than the human biology. We are practically the same people that existed thousands of years ago without the internet. From small groups; where each one of us had a role to stay alive, we’ve now created massive societies where we’re out of touch with where food comes from. We are more confused about who we are, what our purpose is, and why we’re just sitting here eating to stay alive. We get up to do some made up exercise routine in the treadmill to mimic physical exhaustion to feel alive. Sooner or later, automation and robotics will be doing all the essential survival duties that humans need to do; and it can possibly leave us feeling like our existence is becoming more and more meaningless.

Diet:
According to science, primates originated from Africa then spread outwards. We are all omnivores and can practically eat anything–just like pigs (whom we share a whopping 98% common DNA with). Apes, specifically, have a plant-based diet consisting of whatever that’s edible and available in tropical forests. Eating insects is also a very common source of protein. Many aboriginal and indigenous human societies that still exist continue to eat insects as a normal part of their diet. Killing large mammals for food evolved later on as humans migrated outwards onto harsher climates and developed tools and technology.

Fantasies:
Religion, morality, and politics are all subjective and are thus imaginary.

The fact that humans have only been in existence for such a short time in this planet since its formation, and to see how much societies have changed back and forth throughout history—from being liberal to conservative and from being conservative to liberal in terms of their opinions on laws and morality– shows that our biological/fundamental selves has not changed that much in comparison to our beliefs and values. Moral concepts are ALWAYS subject to change, so one should never try to perfect themselves to match these flawed standards that are based on subjective imaginary beliefs of others.

Thus, listen to your gut. Your instinct is the closest to god you’ll ever get.

Sun friend

Why am I teary unexpectedly? Could it be the love for my grandparents, the loss of a family member, goodbyes of all kind,
The limping dog down the street
Quick infatuations, and false expectations
Sweet motherland, who seeks no expectations
Being sick in this heaven full of empathy
Asking for nothing in return, but only to inhale the scent of mother’s cooking
In the arms of my homeland that rocks me gently while I weep, passing time, watching the streets and making the best out of each hour, as slowly as can be, as if time is way too quick to pass on by, with my friend by my side; the kind sun from dawn till dusk.

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