Surely dying

I’m sitting here on the empty Jacuzzi staring at the ceiling with water droplets spritzing near my face, as I try to feel fulfilled. In my room, I spray all types of scents to calm my senses but it just numbs me down. I have every material thing that I want and I make a lot of money for a chick who claims to not need a lot. I turn on the bright blue therapy light that mimics sunlight to feel like I’m sitting under the sun. I meet a lot of people every day whom I don’t call my own. I have the love of my two parents but I want a big family that’s fifty times bigger and will have my back. I have the guy that adores me but I also want one who doesn’t. I’m climbing the capitalist ladder but I believe in socialist type stuff. I’m maintaining my status as a whatever, but it’s just killing me inch by inch. I don’t take pills, smoke, or drink to cope but that doesn’t mean I’m happier. I can’t follow spiritual leaders and luminaries who say pretty things because in the end they’re just humans like me. I can’t support any religions with an open heart because they talk too much of discipline, but I’m fueled by instinct and desire. I have realistic aspirations now and still want to do significant things for the future, but I don’t if I don’t have to. I can have kids if I want to but I may just let my body shut down. There are twelve months in a year and eight of them are already over and I can’t get the past three or four years back.

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Sweet sweet touch

Listen sweet thing; I’m not very political
Or anything
And it seems like you’re pretty basic
And simply enjoy the sun, too
And strawberries, ripe fruits,
Chocolate cake, smiling
Hugging and caressing
Being close
Laying on the beach, bare
Making love and enjoying life.
What else is life but a tasty quench from succulent fruits?
Sweet goods, sunlight, and warm weather
Wide embraces, soft kisses behind the ears
Short chats and easy laughs
Tell me
What else is life but cooing talks
And sweet sweet touch
Darling

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Stark vision

You have a way of surprising me. Your show-stopping eyes… I swear that it’s still; it’s a painting. You’re a piece of some marvelous artwork. When I least expect it, you walk into the room and just glow
heaven’s pure white light.
The life in your face
The sun’s tender kisses on your skin. I didn’t know you could almost be my tone.
Who are you, who are we?
You have an uncanny ability
To leave me breathless.
That stark white collar against the back of your darkened neck. An unexpected bolt of lightning electrifies my heart. You look back for a split second, and stagger at my golden hue. I’m glad I could do it to you. Glad you could see it too. I always thought I could outshine you, but you out-did me boy. I’m stupefied. With those shimmering stubbles framed around your nape,
(Can I touch it?)
That look of utter demand you carry. Do you want me to say something?
You win
Standing before me. Made of sleek, smoking ice
Making me burn
Melting
Dancing, at your feet.

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Just trying to live

You’re a handsome, educated man. You can find another chick easily. It’ll be harder for me; being this shy. And just as finicky. I’ll be better off caretaking for animals out there in the boonies. Better off watching the streets under the hot afternoon sun on a boring, dull day. Or taking a walk along hilly landscapes with a jacket on. Cutting vegetables with a knife. Brewing something in the stove. Making a bonfire. Sitting on a rock and watching the sunset over the valley. Just trying to live.

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Sun friend

Why am I teary unexpectedly? Could it be the love for my grandparents, the loss of a family member, goodbyes of all kind,
The limping dog down the street
Quick infatuations, and false expectations
Sweet motherland, who seeks no expectations
Being sick in this heaven full of empathy
Asking for nothing in return, but only to inhale the scent of mother’s cooking
In the arms of my homeland that rocks me gently while I weep, passing time, watching the streets and making the best out of each hour, as slowly as can be, as if time is way too quick to pass on by, with my friend by my side; the kind sun from dawn till dusk.

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