Escalates up

Travelling on the back of a pickup with you
Standing up, wind blowing through our shirts,
Hairs over our faces; can barely see the smile
Guitar playing in our inner ears
The city looms with chaos
There’s chaos in our hearts
It escalates up

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Zoning out as usual

After almost 24 hrs without sleep in LA and a day of walking around in China, I’m just as is near the himalayas. Dusty roads and birds chirping around me mid daylight, but I’m just lying in bed inside. Staring at the cracked ceiling
Filled with love.

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Book I’m not gonna read, sketch I’m not gonna draw

Something happens when I head to the east.
Way more interested in soaking in the air, sounds, and sights; the honking of the cars, the hustling and bustling of people, random music, everything. Sitting on the rooftop watching people walk.

Two years ago I went into a spell of whatever the f it was when I came back from Asia. Something happened and cracked open my misery. I had zero interest in drawing for over a year and haven’t read a book since then (I hate reading anyway).

I doubt things will change this time around. It’s much better to sit there and look at that lively world than to look at a piece of paper. I just want to move there forever, but they say happiness is a state of mind, wherever you are. Screw that sh! What a bunch of lie; happiness is a lively place with warm weather.
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Kicking rocks for no reason

I remember when I had an epiphany that I would ultimately forget again. It was during one of my first jobs in an office as a collage student. That job was where I had gotten a taste of the adult working world. There was a creepy mathematics dude who used to always stop by my desk; especially after finding out that I was going to take a semi break from school and travel the world for a while. His wife was Asian and he had mentioned that she belonged to some welcoming committee — whatever the f that meant. Anyway, I remember sweating frivolously one time when he stopped by my desk to give me a book on languages. I had no idea why I was sweating uncontrollably because I hardly ever sweat, and I also had zero interest in him. I found it hilarious while it was happening, and it made me sweat even more. It’s like laughing uncontrollably when you watch your car sink down a body of water. I heard that it did happen to someone.

Anyway, back to the epiphany… but before that, I must mention that those were good days. I felt so appreciated in that office; although as an undergraduate student slave, I was doing super low level jobs like filing their crap together while they entertained their minds with cool stuff. My cube didn’t have any windows nearby so I didn’t get to see the light of day. It was ok ’cause the job was only like 2-4 hrs a day anyway. There was a graduate student on the opposite side of my cube who wore a beanie cap. He had a little son, and he listened to “Hey Ya” by OutKast on his headphones really loud. That song was going to be the theme of that summer for me.

I loved that time. Although the job was boring, I loved the whole set up. In the drawer of my cube there was a starfruit lotion. I loved the thought of a succulent and shapely starfruit. I also really loved repeating the word gabana during that time, and I really liked saying banana too. So I mashed it together and it was a banana gabana starfruit type of segment of my life.

One enjoyable lazy hot day, I kicked a little rock on the sidewalk as I walked back to my dorm. I was surprised at how good my aim was; considering that I have horrible aim in general. The rock kept getting kicked perfectly. I felt like an Olympic football player. I realized that when I kicked the rock without intention, it got kicked perfectly. But when I kicked it with too much expectations in mind, I got nervous and missed. That was the epiphany: Just don’t care too much!

One moment I was kicking a rock on the campus sidewalk– month later I was halfway around the world carried in the arms of a dude while getting myself into a whirlwind chain of language-less events. He was a French-Spaniard traveling the world too, and body language was the only language we spoke. It was way more fun than kicking rocks. Mmm that creamy skin and that spankable a$$. I know that guys usually objectify women, but I absolutely love it when I objectify men. I was going to be obsessed with his pretty face for many years after that, but a toothless weirdo with the ability to shatter souls could have done just as fine, too. And probably more.

Fifteen years later he wants to give up everything to see me again, says he’s missed me all fifteen years. It was all that I had ever wanted to hear when I cared. Fifteen years later, I don’t feel the same. Not even re-listening to “Hey Ya” is doing it.

I guess it was like kicking rocks. Too much expectations, unintended consequences. No need to regret anything though, it was a great time in my life.

2004

Lucky birds

Another year, and the birds are still riding the river on a floating sheet of ice. How awesome it must be to be them; enjoying the fresh outdoors while hanging out as a group with fellow flocks-mates.
Just travelling on a mission together, sitting and checking out the cool scenery together, flying about and getting business done together…

Having a purpose in life.

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(These birds a year ago:
https://samasyatapasya.wordpress.com/2016/01/14/just-when-i-thought-my-life-sucked/)