It’s push and pull
The world pushes you away, but you have this massive will
Bigger than a series of constellations
That tethers you back
It’s that will
That binds me
It’s thicker than anything imaginable
It’s stronger than any physical bonds
It’s connected to a rope that’s infinitely long
No one can see it
But it makes you run
And come back
It’s dark outside and there are night owls hooting. There’s sounds of bats and the rustling of leaves amid darkness and chilly winds. I don’t know what’s happened to me. I lean closer to my lover and he comforts with his strong embrace. Inside the warmly lit room, we’re safe under covers from the unknown outside. I dig into his arms deeper. He holds me tighter as my heart rattles with fear with each passing sound from the creatures outside. In the deep dark corners of my mind, I’m forever alone. I’m forever left in some dark pit trying to gather myself together. My teeth chatter and I close my eyes behind crinkly hair that covers my face. My clothes are wet and I feel helpless; as if the only thing that could ever save me is death that might come during sleep. I try and try to disappear, but I just can’t. He holds until I get out of that world, and I feel my heart racing against his chest. He tells me I’m safe but I don’t believe it. I wonder if these things will ever leave me. I may be trapped I say, he’ll save me, says he. He rocks me ’till my heart slows down. But when I close my eyes, it comes back to me. There’s a prison where I live and hear the strange sounds again and again. I’ve been living there for twenty-three years and I just can’t take it. There’s either now or there’s forever like this. There’s choices that I’ve never fathomed existed. I see the gate before me, but it takes guts to get up and check if it’s unlocked. Sweat trickles down my face but I’m tired and I want to be set free. Whatever sound it is that I hear, I must let it ring all through me and between me if it doesn’t stop. These burning eyes of mine obscure my vision, but I must see through them. Amid the screams I push open the prison gate with ease. It was never locked to begin with. I watch the wide unknown looming in the darkness, and take a breath. It’s now that I free myself.
My lover is asleep amid the lamp light. The owls hoot like always as I look out the window. I open the bedroom door and walk down the dark stairs. I open the main door of the house and hear the rustling of the autumn winds that I despise. I stand into the open, look at the pitch back surrender, and walk outside.
I don’t know with who, I don’t know with what
Love love love love love
Makes you happy.
To have been a fearful person who’s holding on to a tilting sail amid a treacherous storm
And to learn to smile
and find the will to heal
Brings in great amount of confidence, and a reassured feeling
That you will rise and own what it is to be,
in your destiny.